It's 15th December this year, meaning that all my surgery should be done in time for 2016!
I have to admit, I'm really excited. Coincidentally, 15th December marks almost exactly 2 years since my IBD journey began - as it was 16th December 2013 when I was rushed into hospital and first diagnosed. It seems pretty fitting that the journey will be ending almost the same day that it began!
Although the pouch inside me isn't functional or connected, my experience with it so far has been promising. A lot of people worry about the potential for leakage with a J-pouch, but even though the pouch is already producing mucus (about as liquid as things get) I've not had even one occasion of leaking or urgency. I'm taking this as a good sign. I've also started doing cautious 'kegel' exercises again, though not too many.
So, what am I most looking forward to? As positive and as upbeat I am about my stoma bag, and as much as it doesn't limit my lifestyle, I won't be sorry to wave it goodbye. When I was first told in late 2013 that I'd need a stoma bag, the potential for reversal in the future was like the light at the end of the tunnel that I desperately clung onto. As time went on, I realised the stoma wasn't so bad, but I still looked forward to my reversal. Having the second operation was 'the point of no return' for me - when I've got a pouch already made inside my body, why not try having it connected?
I'm looking forward to not having to wear support underwear every time I want to wear a straight skirt, being able to wear a bikini, crop tops and low-rise jeans (it's funny how most of the things I look forward to most are related to clothing!). I look forward to not having to carry around stoma supplies, or ordering them every month.
Other than these pretty superficial reasons, I think I'm most looking forward to closure. Having my stoma reversed will be like the end of a journey - one that's gone on for nearly two years.
And what am I nervous of? The uncertainty, the potential for leakage, pouchitis, frequent toilet trips or even further surgeries. The fact that one day I may struggle to conceive a baby, or give birth naturally. I knew these were the risks when I had the operation done, yet I still wanted it. At 20, I weighed up the positives and negatives and decided that the pouch was the better option for me at this stage of my life. So whenever I have a doubting moment (and yes, there have been a few, particularly after op 2 went all wrong!) I try and focus on why I had this done in the first place.
But even though I won't be sad to see it go, these past two years have shown me that a stoma is by no means a bad option. I mean, my reasons for getting rid of it are pretty superficial, right? I don't think a stoma is what anyone dreams of, but it hasn't stopped me living my dreams (ugh, too much cheese?) No, but seriously. I've done so much when I've had a stoma, and lived life so fully that I probably couldn't have done the same if I'd been suffering with severe UC.
Quite a lot of the time, I've even forgotten that it's there. I don't wake up every day and think 'oh here we go again, having to change this bag' any more than I wake up saying 'oh - brushing my teeth - not AGAIN'. It's literally one small part of my life and routine. No big deal. Yes, it took me a long time to see it this way, but I got there, and it was amazing when I did. I am so much more than how I use the loo. And so are you, lovely readers. Don't let any condition cloud who you are.
So over the next few months, I'll be documenting the exciting things happening up to the final surgery, including my pouchogram (inflating my pouch and x-raying it for leaks) among other check ups. As with the second op, I'm writing literally as it happens, and documenting the most honest account that I'm able to. Thank you for all your continual support!
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