This takedown has been coming for about 2 years now - so you think I'd be prepared and raring to go. I'd always envisaged that I'd be updating my blog regularly the week before, posting loads of updates, and feeling really excited about finally losing my stoma bag. But right now, I couldn't be feeling more different.
I've been absolutely consumed with anxiety the past few days - over surgery, possible complications, and the prospect of having a working J pouch. After my last surgery, when I suffered the huge bleed, I'm pretty terrified of going back under the knife. I'm worried for the pain, the recovery time and whether I'll be well enough to get back to uni in January, and what it'll be like to not have a stoma.
At the moment my anxiety is affecting my sleep, my appetite and my general health. I feel breathless, sick with hunger but sick when I eat, shaky and unable to get a good night's rest. I really didn't think I'd be like this, and I wish I could snap out of it somehow.
I know that I've wanted this reversal for a long time. And any time I freak out, I remind myself that I've come this far - this is the smallest of the three, and there's less chance of complications.
I'm going to Devon for the weekend to see family and take my mind off what's ahead. I'll be back on Monday, psyched up, ready to go and ready to write about this step by step.
Thank you for all your continual support!
No comments:
Post a Comment