21!

I haven't had the chance to update until now, but last Friday I turned 21!

It might sound like a really cliche thing to say, but there's been a couple of moments in the past 2 years where I didn't think I'd make it here. Coming close to death at a young age is something you don't really get your head round. It sounds odd coming out of your mouth, as if you're exaggerating the details, or talking about someone else. It sounds like something out of a book. The fact is, that when I bled out before my first emergency surgery, or after my J-pouch operation this June, things were not always guaranteed to be okay. I'm sat here now and I've celebrated my 21st - but things could have turned out a lot differently.

Have these periods of serious illness taught me anything? I could give some big lengthy answer about how they've made me appreciate my life and the small things, but I wouldn't be being honest. Life has gone on as normal. I still cry over stupid things that don't matter. I still get wound up over friendship dramas, boyfriend dramas, any other sort of drama. I still go out and drink alcohol, stay out late and don't eat as well as I should. Is this advisable? Probably not, but I'm not prepared to act differently to my friends if I can help it. I want my life to be as close to normal as possible, without IBD hanging over my head.

I was only just 19 when I was first diagnosed, and had my colectomy 2 weeks later. All of that time, I spent in hospital. At the time I felt like a child - terrified of what was happening, feeling hopeless, and wondering how on earth life would go on with a stoma. Now my stoma has seen me past my 21st birthday, and in these past two years I've grown up very quickly. IBD does that to you, in a way. All of a sudden I've spent these years handling stuff that means I've had to take an adult attitude. I'm miles more mature now than when I first walked into that A&E door for my diagnosis.

My ileostomy reversal this December will mark a new chapter in my life. For now, I'm grateful, excited and happy all at once to have got this far. Toasting my birthday felt more like toasting my future. I'm ready to see what else it holds.