50 days until reversal: My ostomy gave my my mojo back!

It's now 50 days until my J-pouch gets connected, which means no more ostomy (if all goes to plan, for the rest of my life). It only seems two minutes since I was posting '100 days', so time has really flown! 

I'm excited, of course. There's lots of little things I won't miss about my ostomy, such as the occasional random filling/ballooning, and having it there in the shower. But otherwise? It's going to be pretty weird without it. My stoma gave me my life back, and I didn't realise until I'd had my colon removed just how much  better that would make me feel. In other words - my ostomy gave me my life back, not took it away from me as I'd feared it would.

Getting my GROOVE on

When I'm well, I don't really update my blog much. That's usually because in times of wellness, when you're really feeling on form, you just don't think about being sick. For me, the best part of having my ileostomy has been this - I'm no longer feeling like rubbish 24/7, like I did in my 17-19 ages when I suffered symptoms of IBD.

I can go out with my friends, have loads of fun and not have to dash to find toilets all the time, feel exhausted or in pain like I did with UC. Most days, I just forget I have a bag down there at all!

These past few weekends have been a great example of that. Last weekend, I turned 21, had a lovely meal out with my friends and another with my mum and dad (we went up the Shard for a special meal - it was AMAZING)

Eating in the Shard

This weekend, I got the coach up to Manchester and spent the weekend with a lovely group of old friends going on two spectacular nights out (party party!)

Some of the (many) Manchester snaps

This isn't counting a full week of university, working every day of the week and more assignments in between.

Doing a weekend like this just would NOT have been possible with Ulcerative colitis. Going back to university would have been difficult, let alone getting involved in so much.

The day I had my colon removed and a stoma made felt like the worst day of my life. Only now, nearly 2 years later, do I realise that it was one of the best. I'm now cured of UC. Whatever else happens, I will not have to go through that anymore. Life can go on as normal.

And if you're facing a stoma bag that you really hate the idea of, and don't want? This is me now, 2 years later, partying away probably a bit too much and having an awesome time. Back on New Year's Day in 2014, I was crying and pleading with doctors that I did not want a stoma. I said I'd rather die than have a bag attached to me and carry it around everywhere. I felt disgusted by myself. I cried about it for what seems like months. I might have looked strong on the outside, but on the inside I felt so sad and insecure. I was conscious of the bag all the time. I didn't think I'd ever have confidence again.

Now I am absolutely loving life. Have been for a good while, actually. Life with a stoma can be brilliant. Once you've found the products that work for you, got well again and realised that no, you do NOT smell bad, life begins to resume normality. One day, you'll look back and realise you haven't thought about your ostomy once. That's when you realise you've cracked it.

Of course, if you're reading this facing surgery, you won't believe me now. I didn't believe the blogs I read then. They were full of happy smiling people, all saying how much better they felt for their stoma and how good life was, and all I could think was - 'They must be putting on a brave face - they've got a BAG, how can they ever be smiling about that?'

Now, if I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it would be this. Life is fun with an ostomy. Life can be wild and adventurous with an ostomy. Life can be spontaneous with an ostomy. And life can be just the way you planned it to be, with or without an ostomy. How you use the toilet does not dictate how you can live your life.

You can do this, 19 year old Ellie - your ileostomy will be the best thing that will ever happen to you.